It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Shame - the story of my life.
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