In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
should my penis look like a turkey
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
