I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
