then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
