So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
