im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
