theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
