Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
