It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
