I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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