When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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