so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
