hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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