Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
