Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
