I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
