I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Randomize
