wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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