hotel room ftw
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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