Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
