is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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