their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
