I am puke
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
