he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
