you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
