doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
