ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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