Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Randomize
