How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
either way he was missing a nipple.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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