A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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