You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
