Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
