Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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