I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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