Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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