So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
