Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
