dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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