Nicole vs. Life
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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