Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
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