remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
