Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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