Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
