We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
