That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
