you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
