He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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