FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
