I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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