you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
