Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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